


Why Don't We; Soonhoon

by kwanies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Library, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, also ! the other members appear throughout the story, but they play very minor roles ! sorry !, except they're not really enemies but you'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-07-18 23:50:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16129241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: Soonyoung is a wall away from Jihoon, always armed with free chocolate chip cookies and cute latte art; Jihoon, on the other hand, just wants his peace of mind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so - i'm currently working on this and one other soonhoon fic, and my original plan was for this to be a massive oneshot that i would finish completely before posting all at once, while the other one is meant to be chaptered - however ! i've actually really missed posting here and i wanted to go ahead and put one of these stories out, but that other fic isn't at a place where i quite feel comfortable posting it (i think i need to work on it a little more before i can start giving regular updates), so i decided to turn this into a chaptered fic and just ! do it !
> 
> grouchy flustered jihoon and flirty soonyoung are two of my favorite things to write in the world, and i love injecting my shitty sense of humor into everything i type, so this is going to be a combo of all three of those things - hopefully it doesn't turn out too terrible (i'm warning you in advance, i am absolutely the most unfunny writer you'll ever find) and as always, feedback is appreciated <3
> 
> p.s. this work has also been posted to my wattpad under the username kwanies !

⚐

 

 **IF YOU WERE**  to ask Jihoon  _why_  he despises the boy so much, he wouldn't be able to give you much of an answer. He could say that it's natural, chalk it up to a difference in personalities - Jihoon likes quiet daydreaming and time spent alone reading prose, whereas Kwon Soonyoung is more of a bubbly, loud, "I don't ever stop talking" type of guy. Alright, then.

Certain people just don't click, it happens. The best thing to do in those situations is to simply avoid the other person.

Jihoon's definitely trying - Soonyoung however, is  _not_.

"Hello, Jihoonie!"

He immediately flinches at the nickname, irritation prickling behind his eyes and at the tip of his tongue at how  _loud_  it comes out. Jaw clenched, he speaks like he's got bolts locked between his teeth, every syllable grinding as he tries to keep his voice level.

"Soonyoung, I know you spend most of your time in the café, but for the love of God, this is also a library. Stop shouting."

"Oh, right, sorry," Soonyoung whispers, not looking sorry in the slightest. Jihoon can tell from the other boy's grin that he isn't being taken seriously.

"I mean it," he warns. "I tell you the same thing every morning, and you never learn."

"I can't help it! I'm just excited to see you," he insists, and Jihoon quirks one brow.

"Everymorning?"

" _Every_  morning. And hour, and minute - "

"If you keep going I will quit my fucking job, okay? Don't underestimate me, Kwon. Seeing your face every second of the day is  _not_  something I want to endure. Now, we both have jobs to do - so go away."

"If you say so," Soonyoung sings, still smiling; he turns on his heel and practically  _bounces_ away. How it's possible for one human to contain so much energy, especially at eight in the morning, is beyond Jihoon. He's only more exhausted knowing that the boy will be back, undoubtedly, to bother him some more.

So, Jihoon  _knows_ why he despises Soonyoung - but it's not exactly the sort of answer that gets across smoothly. He finds it's best to just say nothing at all.

 

—

 

"I'm gonna be honest - "

"Please don't," Jihoon interrupts. "It's not something I'm going to like."

" _I'm going to be honest_ \- I really don't get why you hate him so much. He's a nice kid."

"He's fucking annoying, Seungcheol."

His friend rolls his eyes, and see, this is what gets him,  _this_  is the icing on the goddamn cake - Jihoon can't even complain about his sort-of co-worker without getting called out for being  _unsociable_  and  _mean_. What kind of bullshit is that? What does he have friends for?

"Friends are meant to tell you when you're being an asshole," Seungcheol says. "And I'm telling you Jihoon, you're being an asshole. You could at least  _try_ to be nice, you know? You're destroying the poor thing."

"First of all, he's only hurting himself. Secondly - I don't think it's possible to destroy Soonyoung. That boy is like indestructible jello, everything just fucking bounces off of him."

Seungcheol opts to remain silent, sighing and settling deeper into the armchair. Jihoon watches his eyes scan the pages in front of him, pretending to read, and he would try to do the same - but there's no point. Both of them are caught on something else.

Seungcheol is unbearably kind, ever-so-patient and optimistic. The best sort of qualities, one would think, but Jihoon ... can't relate. Sorry, not sorry; some people are hell personified, and if they've got someone shit-talking them behind their back or to their face, it's probably their own fault.

"Jesus, you're a dick."

"I'm not a dick, I'm opinionated."

"I mean, I'd get it if he was actually a terrible person. In that case, bitch all you want, he deserves it - but he  _isn't_ , Jihoon. He's sweet and friendly and - and he gives you free stuff from the café! You cannot seriously tell me you don't love that."

And alright, that's true enough, Jihoon  _does_  love the free pastries and iced lattes Soonyoung brings over. But he's still irritating.

Which, funny he should mention -

"Hey, Jihoonie, I - Oh, nevermind. Hi Seungcheol."

"Hey - "

"What do you want?" Jihoon cuts, eyes narrowing.

"Er, nothing. It's nothing."

"Okay. Bye, then. Shoo."

That's when Jihoon notices the boy's hands, seemingly clasped and hidden behind his back. If there's anything Jihoon has learned after working in close proximity to Soonyoung after the last six months, it's that he's nothing if not dynamic; always moving, leg shaking or hands wringing, rolling his neck and imitating movements that look to be more calculated than one might guess. Now, he stands stock still, smile frozen in place.

Anyways.

Soonyoung leaves them, Seungcheol glares. Jihoon feels no remorse.

 

—

 

"Jihoon!"

Jihoon squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing, "What the fuck? What do you fucking want?"

Seungcheol had left to take care of his own matters, unfortunately, leaving Jihoon alone; a state he had once appreciated more than anything, now reduced to nothing more than a waiting game for  _someone_  to appear and ruin the tranquility. Jihoon could use what little time he has to himself, take advantage of it, but it's surprisingly hard to focus on Oscar Wilde when he's constantly on the lookout for a much less fascinating Kwon Soonyoung.

"I wanted to give you this earlier," he says, extending an arm. In his hand, wrapped neatly in a napkin, is a Danish. He continues, "But your friend was there, and, uh ... "

" ... And?"

"And, well, if I gave you this in front of him, I'd feel obligated to give him one, too."

"So? Why didn't you?"

"I'm not supposed to give out food for free, Jihoon."

"No shit, really?" he deadpans. "What difference does it make if you were going to give me something, anyway?"

"W-What difference?"

"Yeah. Like, it's pretty clear you don't actually care about the whole 'no free food' rule, so what's stopping you from - "

Soonyoung laughs suddenly, eyes crinkling at the corners and lips pulling upward to reveal something almost blinding. Jihoon's voice breaks before he can finish the question, and he's caught off-guard by the sudden burst of emotion.

"What are you laughing at?" he asks, growing more exasperated by the second.

Soonyoung doesn't really answer, merely setting the pastry down on Jihoon's desk and sighing, "You're so funny, Jihoonie."

"But I - But I didn't do anything ... ?"

Jihoon sits, gaping and waiting for an answer, but receives none. Soonyoung simply shakes his head and then  _walks away_. Soonyoung, Kwon Soonyoung, who Jihoon oftentimes needs to chase away with the threat of bringing a dictionary down on his head,  _willingly_  walks away. And he's still giggling to himself when he does, damn it.

Jihoon tsks to himself, glaring.

Weird, weird kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to quickly mention that the playlist to this story is "lemony cheesecake" on spotify - i actually make playlists for all my stories but more often than not i tend to forget to say anything about them - this time i remembered !


	2. Chapter 2

⚐

 

 **"I LIKE YOUR**  sweater."

Jihoon doesn't respond, for once. New tactic, he thinks: don't say anything, and maybe he'll get bored and give up.

"It's cute."

Or not.

It's one of the few times when Jihoon's the one to have approached, for no reason other than to order himself a tea or a coffee, planning to pay and get out as quick as possible. Soonyoung almost always has other plans, of course.

Without thinking, Jihoon spares himself a glance, looking at his reflection in the window. It's a sweater, yes, but nothing really special? It hangs around him the way most of his clothing does, drowning him somewhat and making him look smaller than he already does, but that's usually the look he's going for. Mingyu likes to make fun of his affinity for oversized clothing, but Jihoon says he's just bitter he can't pull off the same thing (he probably can, in all honesty, but Jihoon would never admit it).

"You look really nice in it," the barista continues, clearly taking his time to brew Jihoon's latte.

"Okay," is all he says. Instinct screams for him to spit out a "Thank you," but he reminds himself that this  _is_  Soonyoung, after all, and bites it back. Soonyoung sighs.

"Do you, like, get what I'm doing?" he says. Jihoon stares at him quizzically.

"Complimenting me?"

" ... Sure. Yeah."

"Alright, well. Stop it."

 

—

 

Sometimes, Soonyoung doesn't even have to say anything - Jihoon just knows he's  _there_.

"I can hear you breathing," he says, monotone, and it's like hitting a switch; Soonyoung's presence is no longer steady and beating, quiet, but a flurry of everything he usually is. Confident but twitchy at the same time. All over the place. Jihoon silently curses himself for saying anything at all.

"O-Oh, I was just - I was just, uh, looking."

"For what?"

" ... A Book?"

Jihoon turns a blank stare on him, and he doesn't have to see himself to know the look is void of any real emotion. "Ha ha," he says, not even pretending to smile, "that's funny."

"Hey - ! I'll have you know I've read  _plenty_  of books."

"Such as?"

The second he asks, he regrets it. All it does is send Soonyoung into a ramble of all the books he read during his high school literature class, mentioning a few comics every now and then, to which Jihoon wrinkles his nose - he's not much of a comic book fan.

Soonyoung grins, "Don't tell me you're one of those pretentious pseudo-intellectuals who think comics aren't  _real_  literature."

"Uh, they aren't."

The grin wilts, and that's one point to Jihoon. He tries to quell his pride.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there - are you serious?" Jihoon nods, and he groans - ever the dramatic, Jihoon has learned. "Oh, Christ, I may have to retract some of my adoration for you."

And Jihoon hates the way his cheeks burn, absolutely  _despises_  the heat just beneath his eyes. Soonyoung is definitely  _not_  the kind of person who's allowed to make him blush - he tells himself it's only out of embarrassment.

"A matter of taste, I suppose. Mine just happens to be superior."

Soonyoung tsks, frowning as he speaks but not holding any real bite to his tone.

"Well, in that case - what's a book you really like?"

"What does it matter?"

"I'll read it myself, try and figure out what makes your selection so much  _better_  than mine."

Jihoon's face instinctively pinches at the thought; maybe it's silly for him to be protective - he hasn't trademarked Jane Austen, after all - but his books are  _his_  to enjoy, not Soonyoung's to criticize.

He opts for staying silent, figuring that no response is answer enough, but Soonyoung isn't having it.

Grinning, he bends down to get a look at the book between his hands. Jihoon immediately slams it against his desk, cover down so the boy can't see it - but it's too late. With a triumphant smirk, he straightens himself and says, "Aha! Gatsby! Something like that, right?"

"You are  _not_  reading The Great Gatsby."

"And why not?"

"Be-Because - "

"Because you're  _so_  highbrow and I'm - what am I, Jihoon? Dumb? Simple people like me can't read books like that, right?"

Jihoon gapes. For once, he can't think up some snarky comeback - he'd say yes, he  _wants_  to say yes, but something stops him. Maybe that's too mean, even for him. Maybe it's the way Soonyoung doesn't actually seem offended, smiling wide; the glimmer in his eyes is oddly charming, and Jihoon wants to strangle himself the second the thought crosses his mind.

He's flustered, he is, and Soonyoung is clearly living for it.

"No worries, Jihoon-ah. I'll find a copy and read it through your eyes - who knows, maybe I'm missing out."

 

—

 

Jihoon hasn't seen Soonyoung for some time, and as nice as the quiet is, he can't help shuddering under the uneasy feeling that comes with it. It's strange, he thinks, to not have the boy chatting his ear off while he works; even stranger that he hasn't so much had a glance at him all afternoon.

"Can you stop being so dramatic?" Seungkwan says, and Jihoon scoffs, because Seungkwan of all people does  _not_  have the right to call him dramatic. "It's been, like, three hours since you last saw him."

"You do realize I'm not kidding when I say I usually can't go fifteen minutes without running into him, right?"

"I always just assumed you were exaggerating - which, in all honesty, you probably are. You have a tendency to make problems seem bigger than they actually are."

"I'm not making this out to be a bigger deal than it is, Seungkwan - he's borderline obsessed. And it's not like I'm the only person working in this building! If he's so desperate for some company, he could easily chat with one of his  _own_  co-workers. I don't even work in the same section as him." He rolls his eyes at the last bit, adding, "I just don't get why  _I_  have to be cursed like this. What did I do?"

"Uh, okay, first of all," Seungkwan starts, eyeing him with patronizing amusement, "you're an asshole, and this is karma. Second - are you fucking stupid, Jihoon?"

"What?"

"You're really just this dense, huh?"

"How?"

Seungkwan sighs and drags a hand over his face, eyes turned to the ceiling as if he's speaking to God himself, "I'm not even gonna say anything - people this dumb deserve to figure out their problems on their own. Read the signs, Jihoon."

Jihoon flails slightly, exasperated and gaping with confusion. He has  _no_  idea where this is coming from.

"What signs - ?"

"Anyways," he interrupts, lips twitching despite his clear efforts to remain serious, "my lunch break is almost over, I gotta go. Have fun doing ... whatever it is you do."

And before Jihoon has the chance to argue any further, Seungkwan leaves - he just  _leaves_ , after calling him stupid and offering zero explanation as to why, he leaves. Shoots him a finger heart, a winking smirk, and leaves. Fucking asshole.

Jihoon decides he needs some new friends.


	3. Chapter 3

⚐

 

_**THUMP**._

Jihoon, head still bent over his desk, peers up under cotton candy wisps of hair to meet the eyes of none other than Kwon Soonyoung, looking triumphant and giddy.

Huh. A whole day later - Jihoon would almost think he missed him, except that's totally ridiculous. Soonyoung is not a force to be missed.

In front of him, cover up and shining under the boy's gaze like a treasure, lays The Great Gatsby. No bookmark can be seen, no dog-eared pages (Jihoon gives a silent thanks for that much - he might have actually revoked Soonyoung's library privileges had he found any such damages), and Jihoon isn't quite sure what to do with its simple presence.

"Uh ... What is this?"

"Your book," Soonyoung says, breezy. "Gatsby."

"And what about it?"

"Well, I finished it."

"Okay? Congratulations?"

Soonyoung lingers, and in the split second before Jihoon averts his eyes back to his own book, he can see the smile waver. That wasn't the response he was looking for, clearly, but Jihoon isn't sure what else there is to say.

Not looking back up, he says, "Do you want a medal?"

"N-No, but aren't you going to ask me about it?"

Jihoon slowly moves to shut his book, marking his page, and fully lifts his head to get a view of the boy in front of him. Soonyoung stands idle, gaze cast off to the side, hands fiddling behind his back; Jihoon leans back in his chair and watches him, thinking - there must be something behind this, right? There's got to be some particular answer Soonyoung is looking for, and Jihoon doesn't want to make the mistake of giving it to him.

"What would I even ask you?"

"I don't know - anything! Whatever you want. You finished it, right?"

"Yes? Soonyoung, are trying to ... Do you want to  _discuss_  the book with me?"

And then, Soonyoung looks at him, eyes wide as Jihoon's ever seen them and head barely holding back a nod. His lips twitch. Jihoon finds it's weirdly endearing, and instantly has to suppress the urge to gag once he realizes his own train of thought.

"I mean ... only if you want to."

Weirdly,  _weirdly_  endearing.

Jihoon hates himself for giving into it.

"Well then, make me a coffee and tell me what you think."

Soonyoung grins, and Jihoon's trying to force back the regret that threatens to surge through him when the boy inhales - much deeper than any person needs to inhale when they're about to start speaking - and launches into something so elaborate, Jihoon would almost think he studied flashcards for this exact opportunity.

And maybe that's enough to make him scrunch his nose and think  _wow, what a try-hard_  - but he's really too busy being impressed to do so.

Soonyoung's recount is delicate and enamoured, carrying them both from Jihoon's desk to the café, where he continues to speak as he begins making Jihoon's usual order without even ringing him up at the register. It's spoken softly, the sort of tone Jihoon isn't used to hearing on him, breathing over how much he loved the characters and the setting and the writing - oh, the  _writing_.

"It works so wonderfully," he says between pouring espresso and steaming milk. "Like, it's slow, you know? But not in a bad way - like it's burning and burning, and I wanted so badly to blow it out and relieve the pressure, but also to just watch it go on for as long as possible. Everything unraveled so beautifully, even the unfortunate bits."

He delves into the narration, how the plot and dialogue and internal thoughts and observations blended  _so_  nicely; "Even at the most stressful parts of the story," he says, "it was like ... reading pillows. Like, every word felt so cushioned, if that makes sense."

And it does. Jihoon nods along and, for once, doesn't feel the urge to roll his eyes or grumble over something or other. He takes his latté gently and doesn't end it there, he keeps listening. Soonyoung's voice is sort of nice to listen to when he isn't being obnoxious or loud, Jihoon decides, and that's a fair thought - he's is still the most aggravating person Jihoon's ever met, of course, but right now, he's not half bad.

"Gatsby's enigmatic," Jihoon offers at some point, "and Tom Buchanan's a real dick." Soonyoung laughs, and it's still loud, but less grating than it so often is.

"Yes, yes! Oh, I hated him so much. And Daisy was  _so_  frustrating to read - like, I wanted to understand, but I just couldn't. What was she thinking?"

And it's a simple peace. Jihoon loves his books, love his literature - loves  _talking_ about it with anyone willing to hold a steady conversation on the matter. He didn't expect Soonyoung to be a part of that genre, but for the time being, Jihoon won't complain.

It's a one-time thing, and Soonyoung can't get used to it by  _any_  means - but no, he won't complain.

 

—

 

"Hey, Soonyoung."

"Yeah?"

"Were you finishing the book yesterday, when you didn't show up all afternoon?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I was reading it between customers - I wanted to finish it as soon as possible so I could talk to you about it."

"Oh, okay."

Jihoon wants to leave it there, let it be known that Soonyoung is  _not_  worth any more of his time - it's not like there's anything left to say, anyway, and he really should get back to his desk - but it's not that easy. Soonyoung's staring at his fingers, tapping against the countertop, and Jihoon watches his grin twitch to life.

"So ... you noticed I was gone?"

Jihoon fumbles, thrown off by the accusation.

"W-What? No - I mean, yes, but - don't flatter yourself, Kwon Soonyoung!" He feels his face heat up, burns hotter when Soonyoung starts snickering. "It was only because ... because for once, I had peace and quiet all to myself - that's not something I've been able to enjoy anytime in the last few months, and you - you just - "

"It's okay, Jihoonie," Soonyoung says, three infuriating smiles on his face, "you can say you missed me."

And with that, he turns back to his work, taking the next customer's order and leaving Jihoon to gape in the wake of his words.

He did  _not_  miss Soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, two things -
> 
> firstly, i do apologize in advance for these first few chapters. i keep reading over one and two, despite having posted them already, and i just ?? don't like them ?? and the same goes this chapter- something just feels so off about them. that being said ! i've just finished up chapters four and five and they're looking a lot better, so hopefully the quality continues to improve
> 
> second, i don't have a set plan as to how often i want to update this ?? with disarray (my yoonmin fic) i updated once a week, and that gave me enough time to continue writing and finishing chapters before posting the next one (so should i ever go through a bout of writer's block i'll be armed with pre-prepared chapters ready to be posted lol) and i think i'd like to stick to that schedule again. maybe every tuesday?
> 
> that's about all i wanted to mention ! feel free to let me know what you think !
> 
> and i hope you've been enjoying the story so far <3


	4. Chapter 4

⚐

 

 **JIHOON DOESN'T MIND**  arguing with Soonyoung - in fact, he kind of lives for the opportunity to deck the boy intellectually, maybe drive his ego into the ground a little bit. He is, admittedly, the kind of person who will start conflict solely for the purpose of winning.

Soonyoung, however, makes it so goddamn  _difficult_  - as he does with everything. It is unendingly frustrating.

"Were you actually given any sort of training before starting your job here?" Jihoon said once, sniffing his cup with mock distaste. "The coffee always sucks when I order it from you." That was a lie, actually. Soonyoung makes very good coffee. His latte art is cute, too, little cats and smiley faces - but Jihoon would sooner saw his own legs off than admit that.

The barista had hummed, smiling, "You could always ask for someone else to make it, but you never do. You come here at least three times every day and you never, ever do."

Another time, Jihoon tried, "Were you ever taught volume control? Or is there some sort of defect with your vocal chords that literally doesn't allow you to be less annoying?"

Soonyoung had laughed, "I'm just happy! So much to be excited for, I can't help it."

"Do you have to express that through noise, though? You can't be quietly happy?" He paused - "What are you even happy for? You take orders and make coffee six hours a day."

"Well, I have lovely coworkers, the customers are nice - and I get to see you, six hours a day."

Jihoon had simply burned an awful shade of pink and told Soonyoung to go fuck himself.

That's what so often happens; Jihoon has a go at picking on the other boy, only to find himself embarrassed and more pissed than he usually is as a result. It isn't fair - no one else can do that to him.

Stupid, stupid Kwon Soonyoung.

He's always like that, even on the days that Jihoon shows up to work feeling a lot more irritable than what's normal, snapping with a bite that actually hurts. Which, it's never his intention to  _really_  hurt anyone, unless he thinks they deserve it, but there are mornings when his filter turns mean and he forgets to stop himself.

On those days, Soonyoung catches on, and he's just ... like that. Kind, even when he hasn't been given any reason to be.

So, when Jihoon gives his order through a series of grumbles and glares at anything within a five-foot radius, telling Soonyoung to hurry up because  _he shouldn't be giving up time for people who aren't worth_ _it_ , he shouldn't really be so surprised at the barista's reaction - or lack thereof.

His smile doesn't waver, creasing the corners of his eyes and sitting peacefully while he steams the milk. He doesn't say anything, except, "I'll be as quick as I can."

And for once, Jihoon feels bad.

He lets his head lull to one side, dragging a palm over his face and sighing, "Christ, don't be nice to me. I'm being a first-class dick and you have the nerve to treat me with kindness."

" ... What else would I do?"

"Uh, tell me to fuck off? God knows that's what I'd do."

"No, I don't think you would. You're not really that abrasive, Jihoonie. Only with me, you are."

And then he stops, quietly pondering Soonyoung's words. It's the first time he's outwardly acknowledged Jihoon's contempt for him.

"Oh. You uh, you noticed that, huh?"

Soonyoung breathes out a laugh, "Of course I noticed. I know you don't like me very much."

"Then why do you - "

"I just really like being around you, if you haven't figured that out by now? Maybe it's sort of selfish, putting you in uncomfortable situations simply for the sake of getting to speak to you, but I mean ... I don't know. I should probably start to lay off."

Jihoon stares at him, watches him draw crosshatches over the foam in caramel syrup, and he's struck with the feeling of not knowing what to say. He's guilty and flustered all at once, and it's not a feeling he likes - not a feeling he likes knowing that  _Soonyoung_  is responsible for it.

He doesn't like what he's about to say, either.

"No, don't."

Soonyoung pops the lid onto his cup, glancing over at him. He's not smiling anymore, but not quite frowning, either. His mouth is twisted into a sort of confused line, accompanied by furrowed brows.

"Don't, what?"

"Don't - I mean, don't lay off. Don't feel like you have to. That - That's not to say I enjoy your company," he rushes to clarify, "don't the wrong idea. I'm just - I'm just saying, I've gotten used to ... to you being around."

Jihoon watches Soonyoung's lips part in surprise; observes the way his entire expression melts into something softer, warmer, starting from the middle and spreading out to all the edges until each cheek is peony pink, a garden. Jihoon feels himself heat up, spreading from his very fingertips to every nerve in his body. He  _hates_  it, but for whatever ungodly reason, he keeps talking.

"I give you shit every day, Kwon. Don't take it lying down."

Soonyoung smiles something unbearably tender, small and endeared and  _God_ , Jihoon doesn't like the way it twists his gut.

"Is this your weird way of saying you like having me around, Jihoonie?"

"N-No, I just said - !"

Soonyoung quiets him with the sound of his own giggle and passes the drink over, squinting past the laughter while Jihoon simmers, embarrassed.

"I'll be back to bother you later, then," he says. "But I have to work, now, and so do you."

It's the first time Soonyoung's been the one to use the "we have jobs to do" excuse, and it leaves Jihoon a little bewildered as he ambles over to his desk.

Stupid,  _stupid_  Kwon Soonyoung.

 

—

 

Jihoon's become accustomed to the fact that at any given time of day, no matter what, Soonyoung will be the one to serve him his coffee. It's never been his choice, of course, but Soonyoung makes sure of it. He always does.

Today, though, is different.

"Sick day?" Jihoon says to the boy behind the counter - a different boy, unfamiliar - and he knows he doesn't have to specify much more for him to understand. 

"Ah, yeah. He called in this morning with a nasty cold, said he might stop by later if he starts feeling better. I told him to take the whole day off, though, to be on the safe side."

"Think he'll listen?"

"Probably not - I'm sure he wants to see you at least once today, even if it's just for an hour or two."

At that, Jihoon chokes. The boy's name tag reads  _Joshua_.

On second thought, maybe he is familiar.

"Wait - Sorry?"

"Yeah, it sounds like something he'd do. I mean, he's pretty into you. We work the same hours so I get to listen to him go off about you every other minute - I swear to God, he's  _always_  talking about you. I'd say it's annoying if it wasn't so sweet."

Jihoon has always known that Soonyoung has a weird fixation with him, but it had never once occurred to him that  _other_  people knew, too. Not once did it register in his mind that there were bystanders, witnesses to their interactions. Soonyoung  _talks_  about him.

"W-What does he say?"

Joshua snorts, "What  _doesn't_  he say?" His voice takes on a mimicking note, imitating Soonyoung, Jihoon supposes.

" _Don't you think Jihoon looks really nice today? Did you know Jihoon prefers prose over poetry?_ Jihoon this, Jihoon that - Dude, I know so much shit about you, and this is the first time we've ever spoken."

He isn't really sure how to respond - for some reason, he'd just assumed that 90% of his interactions with Soonyoung went over both their heads. He doesn't remember half the words they exchange, but here Soonyoung is keeping track of the little things.

Jihoon thinks he could try doing the same.


	5. Chapter 5

⚐

 

 **KEEPING TRACK OF** the little things was a profoundly terrible idea.

Jihoon doesn't like taking notice of the way Soonyoung's eyes are almost always turned up in a smile, and he doesn't like that he's begun recognizing his laugh from halfway across the building, chiming like bells. He doesn't like seeing the boy's change of hair color when he walks into work that morning, really  _seeing_  it - he hates how he thinks it suits him.

Because the more details he memorizes, the more human Soonyoung seems. When Jihoon is able to pick out his grin in a crowd of happy faces, that's when he's made his mark; an entirely unique individual, and Jihoon wishes he could go back to when it was easy to pretend the boy was nothing more than a filler character in his life.

"You can't go back when you were never there, idiot," Chan says, absentmindedly. He's trifling with the things on Jihoon's desk, picking up anything and everything of interest to observe. He continues, "You've always been at this point. You've just ignored it."

"Do you always have to be such a smartass?"

"No, just smart." His smile is pulled taut across his face, teasing. "And it's true, isn't it? Soonyoung made his mark the day he decided to start following you around like a lost puppy - you've just been so hung up on the idea of him not being  _worth_  your attention that you tricked yourself into thinking he really wasn't. In reality, though, he's always had it."

Jihoon can't stand the know-it-all look on his friend's face - feels himself flaring up at the mere thought of it - so he looks away. Somewhere at the far end of the library, through clear glass and a slightly obscuring logo with the coffee shop name, he can see Soonyoung working the register. Upsettingly familiar.

"I don't like him," he says simply.

"Can I ask - why?"

 _Why_. That's the question, isn't it? And now he's back to chapter one - saying it's natural, chalking it up to a difference in personalities. It's still true, always has been.

"We're just so  _different_ ," he says. "And not different in a way that I can get used to and learn to love - different in a way I can't stand. I  _can't_  get used to it."

"I think you already have," Chan suggests.

"No, no. You know what I mean."

They're quiet then, the both of them. Jihoon's still staring off into space with a book in his lap, and Chan wordlessly sifts through his drawers like the nosy rat he is. He doesn't think there's much else to say, until the other starts speaking again.

"Give him a chance, Jihoon. At this point, I think you're more stubborn than anything. There's no shame in giving up the dickery and getting to know him better."

"Are you suggesting that the only reason I go around saying I dislike Soonyoung is that I'm too  _stubborn_  to have a change of heart?"

The boy shrugs, "Basically. Don't be hard-headed, Jihoon, it's not a good look."

Someone as young as Chan has no place being wiser than him, but for once, Jihoon can't bring himself to argue. He doesn't have it in him to fight a lost cause.

And maybe - maybe he's sort of right.

 

—

 

"Here," Jihoon says, his tone like a load of bricks. He doesn't give Soonyoung a moment's notice before shoving the book against his chest, keeping his eyes averted when the barista lets out a small sound of surprise.

He clutches it against the front of his shirt, and his fingers just barely dust Jihoon's when the latter yanks his hand away. Jane Eyre sits heavy against Soonyoung's palm, much longer than what Gatsby had to offer and freshly read.

"I just finished it the other day. I promise you, Kwon, if I get this book back with even  _one_  speck of dust on it, you won't have eyes to read with anymore, okay?"

And he doesn't give himself the chance to see Soonyoung's reaction, hear his response; turning on his heel, he makes his way back to his desk and simmers in the heat of his pride catching fire, billowing black, damaged smoke.

He doesn't see Soonyoung for the rest of the afternoon.

 

—

 

The next day holds a similar fate. Soonyoung only visits Jihoon at his desk once to offer him a chocolate croissant - the librarian makes a point to huff when he takes it - but that's it. He doesn't stray from his spot in the café, and Jihoon can see him through the glass, turning pages when he isn't busy steeping tea and crushing ice. Jihoon feels a weird tension in his chest, something he can't quite put a name to - he tells himself he's just not used to the quiet. After six months of constant babbling on Soonyoung's end, it's a perfectly reasonable explanation.

It's sort of like shutting the music off after letting it play for hours on end, the weird buzzing silence that envelopes you, quieter than what you'd expected, and leaves you feeling cold. Except Soonyoung's voice is far from music, and Jihoon doesn't feel cold. He just feels odd.

"You like it when he pays attention to you," Mingyu says, sounding bored over the phone. "Right now he's not, though, and you don't know what to do with yourself."

"Wrong," Jihoon says flatly. Mingyu scoffs across the line.

"Well alright, then, if that's the case, I'm assuming you  _didn't_  just call me up simply for the sake of having someone talk to you? Because that would be a first, Jihoon. Usually, you ignore my calls."

"That's because usually, I don't want to listen to you."

"Aw," he titters, and Jihoon cringes at what he's just accidentally implied, "you want to listen to me?"

He pauses, collecting his breath. He thinks.

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't."

And he hangs up.

He won't concede to it, won't allow himself to acknowledge it even though he  _knows_  it's true, but the quiet had begun creeping up on him in a disquieting sort of way. It was like static, he thinks, plain white noise at the back of his head, and he can't quite remember why he used to like it so much. He'd called up Mingyu for no other reason than to cut through it, introduce a new tempo, and explain the situation simply for the sake of talking.

That was useless, though. So, he distracts himself in a different way.

 

—

 

"Hi, how can I help - Oh, hello Jihoonie."

The nickname comes out terribly soft, with no obnoxious grin and gleaming teeth to accompany it. Just a small, startled breath of a name.

Jihoon sees that he's midway through the book, but doesn't comment on it. Instead, he asks for his usual and moves to wait against the counter while Soonyoung makes it, reluctantly placing a random torn piece of paper between the pages to mark his place. It's bent and slightly crumpled, Jihoon assumes, from having been used all day. It's about three in the afternoon.

He has a go at starting something while he waits.

"So, how are you liking it?"

"Hm?" Soonyoung glances up, seemingly caught off guard by the approach. His eyes flicker for a moment between Jihoon and the book, nestled safely between the register and a muffin display, and he makes a sort of  _ah_  expression when he realizes what Jihoon's referring to.

"Yeah," he smiles, "I'd say so. It's really interesting - I haven't finished it yet, though, so I'm waiting 'till I do so I can collect all my thoughts. And then - And then ... "

"And then we can talk about it?"

Jihoon hates the way Soonyoung looks at him, then. Hates himself for being the reason for it.

Soonyoung's eyes are somewhere caught between spider silk and a thick blanket; they're heavy and warm, like a comforting weight, and they shine  _so_  pretty. Jihoon thinks every light in the city could go out, and they'd still project their own brightness. And that's what Soonyoung is, really -  _bright_.

But then there's a flash of reality, and Jihoon has to remind himself that no, Soonyoung's eyes are not  _comforting_ , they're not  _pretty_ , none of that shit. He has to remind himself that they're nothing more than a pair of eyes - belonging to Soonyoung, of all people.

The more Jihoon looks at him, though, the harder he finds it to continue remembering. Or caring.

"Are you feeling well, Jihoon?" He's smiling when he says it, joking, but Jihoon doesn't miss the way his expression ripples a bit - like he genuinely doesn't understand what's happening.

"Psh, can I not be nice to you, for once? Is it that strange?"

"A little bit, yeah. I won't complain, though. Just appreciate it while I can before you go back to hating me."

And Jihoon can't help it - he softens completely, feels his limbs turn to guilty, rubbery jello at Soonyoung's tone.

He sounds terribly defeated, like his fate has already been handed to him and he's long since accepted it. Like Jihoon hating him is just a fact, an unchanging thing life has to offer, and there's nothing he can do but take what rare kindness he can get. Like he really, truly believes Jihoon hates him.

"If you're so sure that I can't stand you," Jihoon says, swallowing past his pride and ignoring the voice in his head telling him to  _shut the fuck up_ , "why do you make the effort to be around me?"

He shrugs, "I dunno. I said before, it's sort of selfish, in a way. I enjoy your company but you don't enjoy mine."

"You  _enjoy_  my company?" Jihoon chokes, gaping as Soonyoung passes him his latte and averts his eyes, placid-faced. "Why the fuck ... ? Soonyoung, I'm an asshole, especially to you, there's is  _nothing_  about my company worth enjoying."

"I don't think so," the barista mumbles, still refusing to meet Jihoon's eyes. "I mean, you're not  _nice_  to me ... but I know you're not a mean person. And you're interesting, and funny, and I - I just like talking to you. Which is pretty dumb, I guess. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense."

And he's right about that - it  _doesn't_  make a whole lot of sense. Not to Jihoon, at least.

But Jihoon doesn't think about sense, then. He thinks about Soonyoung and he thinks about himself, feels the culpability radiating outward from his heart and lungs -

And he says, "I don't really hate you, Soonyoung. You gotta know that."

This time, he won't kick himself for being decent.


	6. Chapter 6

⚐

 

 **JIHOON ISN'T SURE** how exactly he'd expected Soonyoung to react to that, that whole 'I don't actually hate you' thing. Maybe go all giggly, as he does sometimes, all rabbity and energetic. Like disco lights - colorful and moving and  _go go go_  excited. That's how Soonyoung gets about a lot of things.

But instead, he turns into something else, something more gooey and melted; kind of like a lava lamp, or cherry pie. Or like someone took a star and shoved it in the oven for an hour or two, and it's come out like half-baked cheesecake. Maybe Jihoon's just hungry.

Either way, Soonyoung is adorably flustered, blushing so hard that even the tip of his nose is dusted red and smiling wide enough for his cheeks to press crescents into his eyes - and Jihoon doesn't get it, because all he said was that  _he doesn't hate him_. It's the least flirty thing he could possibly say.

Which is, like, fine. Because the last thing he wants to do is flirt with Kwon Soonyoung, of course.

"Don't get so worked up," he snaps, more frustrated at the fact that his own face is heating up rather than Soonyoung himself.

"Sorry, I just - I mean, that means a lot coming from you, Jihoonie," he giggles.

"I hope you're being sarcastic. Get ahold of yourself, Kwon, this is embarrassing."

"Embarrassing for you, or for me? Because I'm not all that embarrassed, Jihoon."

He clamps his mouth shut, then, not really knowing how to respond, and settles for a glare in place of an actual answer. Soonyoung sees him dodging the question and sinks deeper into his own mirth, and damn it, it's cute. Disgustingly so.

Which is okay, right? Because cute people can still be Satan incarnate.

 

—

 

"I think referring to him a 'Satan incarnate' is just a little, um, over the top? Maybe?"

"It's accurate."

Jihoon spins in his chair, looking at his laptop, looking at the book lying half unread on his desk, the rows and rows of bookshelves - anywhere except Jeonghan's face, because he's got this smart alec look that says something like  _I don't believe you_ , and Jihoon doesn't like it.

"I think," he starts, "the more you start to like this kid, the more exaggerated your insults get. Like you're trying extra hard to convince everyone, including yourself, that you really despise him."

"That's not - "

"You're not fooling anyone," Jeonghan sings, finally catching Jihoon's eye. "Why don't you just own up to it?"

"Uh."

He might like to know that himself. Pride or stubbornness, maybe, like Chan had said; being so caught up in the idea of fighting against everything Soonyoung is, he wouldn't know what to expect if he gave up the act entirely.

Because really, at the end of the day, a lot of it has turned into nothing more than an act.

Jeonghan sighs, "You're really dumb, you know that?"

"I don't get why you guys make such a big deal of it," Jihoon huffs. "How many of these talks have I had? - _Too many_ , Jeonghan. I'm sick of being called an idiot and not knowing why."

"Well, it's not like we'd bring it up if you didn't - but you talk about him  _all the time_ , it's crazy. It'd be a lot less annoying if you were saying nice things about him, at least. Instead, you feel the need to release your pent-up emotion in the form of complaining, and force  _us_  to listen to it."

And, well. That shuts him up effectively.

He doesn't talk about Soonyoung  _that_  much, though, he's sure.

"You really do," Jeonghan continues, practically reading Jihoon's mind. It's like you can't keep the kid's name out of your mouth for more than a few minutes. Just say you're obsessed with him and go, Jesus."

Jihoon gapes, eyes wide and arms limp at his sides. 

He is  _not_  obsessed with Soonyoung.

Sure, alright, a lot of his daily life revolves around the boy, but that's only because it's so impossible to escape him at work - save for the few times Jihoon chooses to go over, but that can be attributed partly to his caffeine addiction and partly to the fact that  _sometimes_  he is a kind, decent human being. It doesn't mean he's obsessed. It means nothing of the sort.

It's the other way around, for sure - and how can he help that?

He might just be in denial, but he also might just be too proud to admit as much.

 

—

 

So, Jihoon's proud. That much has been made clear.

He also has a tendency to say and do dumb, hasty things when in a state of panic - and he's not entirely sure  _why_  he's panicking, but he is, and now Jeonghan's gone and he's making his way over to the coffee shop and yes, he's being stupid, but that's never stopped him before -

"Soonyoung," he pants, popping into the barista's field of vision.

"Jihoon! How's everything - "

"I am  _not_  obsessed with you."

" ... Okay? I mean, thanks for letting me know - "

"Because some people are getting the wrong idea and I just - like, I wanted to make it clear, alright? I'm not obsessed with you, I don't talk about you that much, and I - I'm a very busy person, do you hear me, Kwon? I don't have the time to spare thinking about individuals like you."

He pauses, then, breathes deep -

"That's all I had to say. Now leave me alone."

\- and he leaves. 

He pretends not to notice the goofy smile stretched across Soonyoung's cheeks as he does.

There is  _nothing_  to smile about.

 

—

 

Jihoon doesn't think there's much to Soonyoung. He's pretty simple to sum up, really.

A loud-mouthed, boisterous, obnoxious type of guy, who doesn't know when to stop. The type of guy who'll shout about how well his day is going and how sweet the last customer was for leaving a tip. The type to pester you for conversation and demand your intention with the most innocent smile, knowing full well what he's up to. The type of guy Jihoon would never really get along with, and certainly hasn't.

But Soonyoung is also the type to draw caramel syrup hearts in your latte foam and smile when you've been nothing but a bitch, and he's the type to say, "Don't worry, it's fine," when you're fifty cents short. The type to give out free muffins and chocolate chip cookies when he  _knows_  it's against the rules. The type to ask for your favorite book, and read the whole thing just to talk about it. The type who's got a lot more to him than Jihoon ever credited, and maybe the type Jihoon could get used to, if he could just get past his own ego.

Soonyoung is pretty like pink, Jihoon thinks, with the softest eyes and a smile like laughter. Messy hair and fidgeting hands and biting the inside of his cheek and all the little things Jihoon has subconsciously picked up on, because as much as he likes to deny it, Soonyoung sticks to his mind and heart like bubblegum.

He's not obsessed, but maybe he's a little taken.

Just a little.


	7. Chapter 7

⚐

 

 **THIS IS A** problem. A big, big problem.

He needs to cut it off, ignore the whole thing, wish it away until it's really nothing more than distant, fleeting panic - a feeling he tricked himself into thinking was real for a day or two, nothing more.

Oh, but it's more. It's more when Jihoon's conscious goes into lockdown, filing through memories and emotions and trying to figure out  _when_  - when did it change? What happened that managed to throw things so off course?

And it's more when the smell of smoke reaches his nose and the water level rises around his ankles, and when his heart shakes like an earthquake in its cage because  _no_  it's not that intense - but he's never felt this way before, and his body doesn't know how to react, and yeah, okay, maybe it is a little intense.

It's intense and it's more, and Soonyoung likes laughing and leaning in close to him, and God, it's a problem.

But maybe it's not just him? Maybe he was being kind of stupid when he questioned Soonyoung's fixation on him, wondered how someone could be so unconditionally kind? Because handing someone their coffee like you do every other morning is one thing, but smiling that awful smile and telling them that you think they have pretty eyes is another, and Soonyoung did that, and Jihoon's not sure if that was a friendly thing, or - ?

"Are you fucking dumb, Jihoon? Is this what you called me for?"

"Listen - "

"I have a  _job_ , Jesus Christ, I can't afford to waste time talking on the phone with you because you're a panicked gay who doesn't know how to handle a crush."

"Seokmin, please - "

"He's flirting with you, Jihoon. No, it's not friendly, and no, he's not just being nice. He's whipped for you and the entire fucking city knows it, save for you. Now, do me a favor - get your shit together and leave me alone."

And just like that, his friend hangs up on him. The bitch.

"Wow, thanks," he says, rolling his eyes to no one in particular. "That was helpful."

"What was helpful?"

_Oh, wonderful._

"Uh, nothing. Just a phone call."

Soonyoung smiles genially and leans one arm against Jihoon's desk to hold himself, using the other to hand Jihoon a brownie. They've gotten more comfortable, lately - or rather, Jihoon has. Soonyoung is still the same; it's just  _Jihoon_  who's acting differently. More welcoming, sort of. Less biting and more half-hearted grumbling.

"I'm going to die of a heart attack someday if you keep bringing me sweets like this, Kwon."

"But they make you happy, don't they?"

"Mmph," Jihoon scowls with his mouth full. "They're alright."

Soonyoung smiles like it's a proper compliment, though it so clearly wasn't, and lets his eyes flicker somewhere Jihoon doesn't quite catch. His smile tugs wider. Jihoon's throat goes dry, and suddenly chewing on this brownie is a lot more difficult than it really should be.

"Is there something you want?" he frowns, leaving the rest of the desert on a napkin in front of his computer and eyeing anything so long as it isn't within a foot of Soonyoung. The boy's eyes turn up like clock hands, cheeks shining against the incoming sunlight from a nearby window, and Jihoon thinks that maybe it would be a good idea to change desks to someplace more dark, someplace where he can't see Soonyoung's stupid fucking face so well.

"Nothing in particular," he says, rocking a little back and forth on his feet. "I just like looking at you." Jihoon swallows the urge to scream.

"Yeah, that's not creepy."

"Are you blushing because it's creepy?" Soonyoung's grin grows wider at his own words, and Jihoon feels like someone's just struck a load of matches against his skin - it's too hot, he doesn't know what to do when Soonyoung's looking at him like that, and subtlety  _really_  isn't working in his favor right now -

"Or is it because I'm the sweetest, cutest guy you've ever met? Are you flattered? Because I like that idea a lot more."

"Your confidence," Jihoon mutters, sinking more and more into the heat surrounding him, "is unbelievable."

"It's more hopeful, than anything. I mean, it's not like I've got anything to lose, Jihoonie. Not with you."

Jihoon eyes him cautiously, trying to keep his guard up despite the fact that Soonyoung makes it  _so_  hard to focus - and he's thinking, when did it get like this? Soonyoung, who's been pestering him for the last seven months and subsequently wedged himself somewhere among the meanest parts of Jihoon, makes him feel warm all over and awfully, horrifyingly breathless.

It had to have started somewhere. Maybe it was Gatsby, or Jane Eyre; something, somewhere, caught between all the caffeine and sugar. Maybe he should have never kept going with all the free gifts and coffee discounts, and maybe he should have never allowed himself to fall in line with Soonyoung's conversation, and maybe he should have never started working at the library to begin with, because he's got this beating, itching sensation enveloping his whole body and it almost  _hurts_ , and it wouldn't be there if it weren't for Soonyoung.

Soonyoung. Watching him kindly, talking kindly. Ever-so-kind.

Jihoon decides that it doesn't matter where it started, because  _right now_  he's here, and Soonyoung's here, and he's beating, itching, warm to the tips of his ears, and overthinking is really no help, at least not now.

So, as calm as he can, as I'm-not-panicking-at-all-what-do-you-mean as he can make it sound, he asks, "What do you want, Soonyoung?"

Soonyoung lets his arm fold against the desk, leans down so that his nose is level with Jihoon's, and the latter has to fight the urge to shrink away from the contact; his smile is all sorts of self-assured, but Jihoon's certainthey're both the same shade of pink, pink, rosy pink, and he's also certain that he's never liked the color more. Soonyoung makes it all the more pretty, and Jihoon wants to choke on his own conscious.

"I mean, I wasn't going to say anything," he says, still smiling, "but if you're asking ... "

Jihoon swallows. Looking at Soonyoung burns like looking at the sun.

"I dunno, I guess a kiss would be nice."

And Jihoon's not sure what he was expecting, but  _this_  definitely was not it -

Soonyoung stands, straightening himself and shrugging, "But it won't happen, will it?" and turns to cross back over where the café is, leaving Jihoon, wide-eyed and speechless, stock-still at his desk.

Without really thinking, he moves his fingers to brush across his lips, and they're cold.

So. If you were to ask, Jihoon wouldn't be able to tell you where it started, and he might not even be able to tell you where it is now, but he can tell you this much -

Jihoon would very much like to kiss Kwon Soonyoung.


	8. Chapter 8

⚐

 

 **IT TAKES JIHOON** all of ten minutes to gather himself and march right over to the café, his jaw clenched so hard he can feel his face start to ache. He's sure he's making quite the sight of himself - small, angry, with his fists at his side and steps that are comically soft compared to the force of his stride - but his all the thoughts in his head are so muddled already, that he can't really bring himself to care.

Joshua has this all-knowing smirk fixed on his face, averting his eyes and busying himself with restacking the takeaway cups, but Jihoon ignores him and plants his palms firmly against the counter, mustering up the best glare he can - which falls flat the second he makes eye contact with Soonyoung, looking so unassuming. Fucking idiot.

"Soonyoung."

"Jihoon?"

"I - I - God, you are such a bitch."

Jihoon feels his lips pursing and his stomach twisting, because he's  _sure_  that two weeks ago he still hated Soonyoung - so why is he doing this?

Oh, well. No use going over it anymore.

"Y-You, you can't just  _do that_ , Soonyoung, fucking say stuff like that and then  _walk away_  like it's nothing, because - because how do you know how I feel? You don't know shit, okay, you've got like, the smallest brain capacity I've ever seen in a person, and you have the  _audacity_  to act like you know what's going on and, and - "

Jihoon's voice breaks midway through rambling when Joshua gently pushes Soonyoung to the side, motioning for Jihoon to move over too because he's inadvertently holding up the line, and upon noticing that there are, indeed, more than a few people around them who can hear every word he's saying, Jihoon's voice drops. It's not the first time he's had a mini-breakdown in a very public space, but it's also not anyone else's business.

"Soonyoung," he breathes, his exasperation carrying the word like leaves on wind. "You are so, so insufferable. Do you know that?"

"I do. You tell me every day."

"And do you - do you know how much you frustrate me?"

"I think I do."

"Do you know a single thing about me?" Soonyoung nods, and Jihoon squeezes his eyes shut against the force of his own incredulity, muttering, "Then what makes you so sure that it won't happen?"

And he opens his eyes, and he stares Soonyoung in the face, and he feels a strange, tingling thrill when Soonyoung leans closer to him  _again_  and says, "What are you saying, Jihoon?"

"Hey, uh, sorry to interrupt," Joshua starts, handing a customer their receipt, "but could you like, do this somewhere else? There are some things that I think I, and everyone else here, would rather not see. Go make out behind a bookshelf or something."

Jihoon can feel his eye twitching when Soonyoung grins and grabs him by the arm, dragging him out of the space.

"We are _not_  making out behind a bookshelf, just to be clear," he huffs, barely managing to keep up with Soonyoung's pace. His feet drag slightly, and he can't really gather the strength to lift them properly; a lot of his body just feels like dead weight, actually, all numb and useless.

"Okay," Soonyoung starts, turning to face Jihoon once they've reached a more secluded corner of the library. "Can you like, repeat everything you just said back there? Because you were kind of rambling and making no sense, and sorry if I'm a little confused - "

"Jesus, you are  _so_  annoying." Soonyoung smiles wider.

"You said that already."

"It's true."

"What else is true? Tell me something else."

Jihoon pins his eyes to the rows of books behind Soonyoung when the latter steps closer, resisting the urge to push him away; when he speaks, it's slow and quietly aggressive. He's more timid, than anything, and Soonyoung can probably tell.

"You're too loud," he says. "And you don't know what personal fucking space is, and it drives me crazy."

"Is that it?"

"No, it's not. You're also obnoxious and over-enthusiastic about everything, and you - you're too nice for your own good, and it kind of really makes me feel like shit because I  _know_  I don't deserve half the things you do for me, like when you give me free stuff and discounts on coffee - and you make really good coffee, too, I was lying when I said I didn't like it - " Soonyoung rolls his eyes, lashes fluttering with the movement, like it was the most obvious thing in the world; probably because it was.

"Are you finished? What I've gathered so far is that you think I'm really nice and good at making coffee, so - "

"Shut up, I'm not done. Why do you talk so fucking much? You're always talking. And maybe, maybe that's not so bad, because sometimes I don't mind talking to you and - and you're actually a lot smarter than I give you credit for, and I hate that you always get so close to me but at the same time I don't mind? You're like, stupidly attractive, and kind of charming - "

" _Charming_?" Soonyoung's grin breaks into something so much more, big enough to take up his whole face, save for those shining eyes, and Jihoonkind of wants to throw up a little bit. "You think I'm charming, Jihoonie?"

"No, I - I mean, yes, but - You know what? Let's forget I said anything - "

"No, wait - "

Jihoon tries to turn around, so he can go cower somewhere else and maybe quit his job, but Soonyoung reaches out to grab him at his elbows, effectively stopping him in his tracks. Jihoon feels a familiar, frenzied bubbling erupt inside him when Soonyoung pulls him even closer and says, "Keep talking to me. What else is there?"

"I don't think your ego needs this," Jihoon manages to squeak, "but, I mean, if it'll get you to leave me alone, I - " he sighs, and he knows it's too late to turn back, now.

" - I sort of like you. And you were wrong when you said that about kissing me, that it won't happen, because if you just - if you just  _tried_  - "

He's cut off when something warm and unfamiliar presses against his mouth, stealing up the rest of his words and what little remains of his brain's ability to function.

Jihoon freezes, fucking short circuits, and his conscience is partway through logging off completely when the contact is suddenly gone, and he blinks, reality rushing back to him all at once.

Soonyoung's still holding onto him, smile wobbling like it's weak, and he's about to say something when Jihoon decides that it's  _his_  turn to interrupt, for once.

And this time, he knows exactly what he's doing when the distance closes between them.

It's a weird kind of feeling; like panic and confusion and  _why, why, why are you kissing Kwon Soonyoung of all people_ \- but at the same time, though, it's really, really nice. Like, Jihoon's about to melt into a puddle on the floor, nice.

All the built up aggression and frustration from the last seven months is being expelled in the form of something so much softer, really quite pleasant, and Jihoon's vaguely aware of the fact that he needs to breathe, but he can't bring himself to pull away just yet; when Soonyoung tastes like all the prettiest shades of red and pink, thrown in with a load of sugar and the way it feels to smile against that lovely pressure, why would he want to?

He's also getting a little lightheaded, though, so he forces himself to break.

"I've been wanting to do that for a really long time," Soonyoung breathes.

"Then why didn't you do it, idiot?"

"I genuinely thought you couldn't stand me up until three minutes ago," he says, and it's funny, Jihoon thinks, because he didn't figure it out himself until after he'd known the boy for a few months. Everyone else seemed to get it right off the bat.

"We're both sort of stupid," he admits, and Soonyoung nods.

"Agreed."

Stupid, stupid - but gosh, there's a garden in Jihoon's chest, and he's quite comfortable with the way it sits.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd to last chapter !!


	9. Chapter 9

⚐

 

 **HIS FRIENDS HAD** laughed in his face when he told them - begrudgingly, of course, because part of him was still riding off the hope that maybe he could get away with just not letting them know.

But Seungkwan had asked if they were all free sometime that weekend, and Jihoon had said no, and maybe his pride was a little hurt when Jeonghan responded with, "What could you possibly be doing that's going to keep you busy?" because yeah, maybe Jihoon doesn't do much besides work and drink coffee and lay on his bed when he can, but this time he  _really did_  have plans.

So, he told them he had a date. And then he immediately regretted it.

Of course, he had to tell them it was with Soonyoung, which only exposed him to more taunting - apparently, Minghao and Jun had gone so far as to bet on whether or not it would happen - but whatever, right? They've always liked to tease him, he's used to it by now, and  _he's_  the one who's going on a date with Kwon Soonyoung, so who's the real winner, here? At least, that's what he keeps telling himself.

Since their exchange, they'd been a little  _more_  than before. Soonyoung's always been touchy in general, but now he doesn't hesitate to grab Jihoon's hand and play with his fingers, or trail his own down the length of Jihoon's arm. Which, Jihoon kind of hates - he loves it, horrifyingly so, because he's never considered himself someone who likes that sort of thing, but he also hates it. He can't focus on a thing when Soonyoung gets like that, can't focus when his heart is racing laps and his palms are sweating. It's impossible. Soonyoung is impossible.

But even so, they haven't brought it up out loud, haven't kissed a second time, none of that. Jihoon was starting to wonder if he'd just imagined the whole thing, maybe dreamt it.

Until Soonyoung asked, just so casually during one of his visits to Jihoon's desk, if he'd like to get lunch with him sometime over the weekend. Jihoon had managed a short, embarrassed, "Sure," and that was that.

Now they're on their way to some sushi place Soonyoung likes, walking side by side, hands brushing, and Jihoon thinks he's on the verge of combusting entirely, he's so nervous. Which is weird? He doesn't usually feel nervous about these sorts of things? But he hasn't been on a date in God knows how long and Soonyoung - gosh, Soonyoung makes his heart melt in his chest, and that's not something he's used to feeling, either.

Is this even a date? Soonyoung hadn't said it was, but it feels a lot like a date. Jihoon might just be overthinking it.

Soonyoung's chattering his ear off as the near the restaurant, chattering his ear off as he always is, but Jihoon can't figure out a single word he's saying. He can't hear anything over the sound of his own pulse, and the fact alone is only stressing him out more.

But then Soonyoung grabs for his hand, their fingers slotting together rather nicely, and the few beats his heart skips offers Jihoon enough time to hear Soonyoung say, "You alright, Jihoonie? You look a little pale."

"I-I do?" Jihoon stutters, blushing brightly. "I mean, I'm fine, just - yeah. I'm fine."

"You sure?" Jihoon nods, and Soonyoung pauses before continuing, smirking, "I don't know. You seem a little anxious." Jihoon isn't sure what to say to that, so he clamps his mouth shut and listens to the way Soonyoung laughs and says, "It's okay, there's nothing to worry about," his grip tightening.

Soonyoung is like fire, Jihoon thinks, like sparks between their palms and the burning in his eyes, his smile, his words - he gets under Jihoon's skin in the most nerve-wracking way and it prickles, but it also keeps him sort of warm; keeps his heart jumping over flames, but also comforts it, in a way. He's the kindest thing Jihoon's got, and it scares him to no end.

Their hands only break apart when they take their seats, sitting opposite one another, and Jihoon allows his body to settle as Soonyoung slips back into the regular tempo of conversation. He finds that Soonyoung is a lot more bearable when he's not so hellbent on picking out all the annoying things the boy says and does - things that, strangely enough, aren't even that annoying anymore. They're sort of endearing.

Like when he gets so caught up in what he wants to say, he can't get it all out and ends up tripping over his own words; it's cute, Jihoon thinks, how his cheeks tinge pink and his smile gets all small out of embarrassment when he does that. It used to piss him off. Still kind of does, but in a different way, now.

"Are you listening to me?" Soonyoung says. The corners of his mouth twitch upward, and Jihoon's throat goes dry when he reaches across the table lay his hand on top of Jihoon's. Jihoon watches the movement; Soonyoung watches him.

"Ye-Yeah," he manages, and then he shakes his head. "Uh, no, I mean. I'm not. I don't know. You said not to be worried and - and I'm not, but like, this isn't something I've done before?"

" ... You've never eaten sushi before?"

"What? No - "

"It's not difficult, but if you wanted to go somewhere else you should've said - "

"Soonyoung, I've had sushi before, I like sushi, that's not what I was talking about."

"Then what is it?"

"Er, I haven't really ... been on a date before. Kind of. Yeah." Jihoon wants to squirm when he says it, because he's embarrassed, and also because the look on Soonyoung's face could easily mean  _This isn't a date what are you on about_  and Jihoon's not sure  _why_  that would be the case, but the thought alone makes him want to die a little.

"You haven't?"

"No ... ? I mean, I got someone to go with me to a high school dance, once, but I don't really count it. Wait - this is a date, right? I'm not making an absolute idiot of myself right now?"

A slow smile spread across his face, his eyes glimmering, and Jihoon lets out a relieved breath when he says, "Sure, if that's what you want."

"What do  _you_  want, Soonyoung?"

He takes a moment to just watch Jihoon, who's chewing his lip anxiously and avoiding all eye contact in favor of staring down at his plate, before he says, "I wouldn't mind calling this a date." He continues, "And you've got nothing to be nervous about. Just imagine you're out eating with one of your friends, only we get to hold hands and do other stuff."

Jihoon feels himself turning red at that last part, but tries to suffocate the burning in his cheeks by focusing on something else. "My friends are all bullies," he grumbles. "Eating out with them is hell."

"But you love them," Soonyoung points out, smiling at what he's about to say. "Just like you love me." Jihoon looks up from his plate, then, if only to glare at the boy across from him and scrunch his nose. Soonyoung laughs, and Jihoon's heartbeat stutters.

"I'm just messing with you. But seriously, don't get worked up about it."

"I don't know how to not be aggressive," he admits, scowling, "and I'm still trying to figure out how to not act like I hate you, because I don't. Can I just, like, not speak? Every word that comes out of my mouth is useless, anyway."

Soonyoung laughs again, louder, "No, no, it's cute. You're cute. And it's fine, I like you anyways."

"You need to stop saying shit like that," he huffs. "You think I'm exaggerating, but I really don't know how to respond to this stuff."

Their hands are still touching, and Jihoon wonders if Soonyoung can feel his heart, pulsing all the way down to his fingertips. It's warm, Soonyoung's gaze is warm, and Jihoon's been reduced to nothing more than a few electrical sparks and an ooey-gooey mess of feelings all over his ribcage. It's terrible, makes him feel like his entire body is running off of sugar and is going to crash at any minute - but it's Soonyoung, and he can't help liking it a little bit.

"It's okay," he says. "You'll get used to it."

Jihoon's breath catches in his throat, and he nods.

He's got time to get used to it, and he thinks he'd really, really like to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter !! a big big thank you to anyone and everyone who left comments and / or kudos, or literally interacted with the story in any way - it really does mean the world to me, and i'm glad you all liked it <3<3<3

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to quickly mention that the playlist to this story is "lemony cheesecake" on spotify - i actually make playlists for all my stories but more often than not i tend to forget to say anything about them - this time i remembered !


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